You Can Conquer the "Ahs"

When I was a little girl, I sucked my thumb. My mother tried icky tasting nail polish; I decided it didn't taste so bad. She tried tobasco sauce; I realized it didn't taste so bad either. She tried putting a bandaid on my thumb; I started to like the way they taste. She even put plaster casts on my thumb at night to get me to stop. I discovered, if I wriggled my thumb around while holding the cast still, I could slip my thumb out, rinse it, suck on it, and slip it back in with nobody the wider.

One of my teachers tried putting a sticker on my thumb to "remind me" not to suck on it. The stickers almost worked. I didn't want to disturb the cute little critters clinging to my thumb, but they fell off after a while. Then my thumb was back in my mouth. I had a quarter-inch overbite, and eventually had to wear an orthodontic device to correct the problem. I also think I stunted my thumb's growth. The moral of the story?

To quit a bad habit, like using too many filler words, you have to be determined. You have to really want to stop - not for other people, but for yourself. You can flood our petty cash jar with nickels and quarters, but the filler words won't go away until you're ready for them to.

Ah, um, you know, and but are convenient words to throw into uncomfortable silences. They comfort us when we're nervous. They help us think. Did it ever strike you how similar "ah" and "um" are to the meditative "om"? The sounds send vibrations through our skulls, jarring our brain awake.

So how does one break the habit? Can we get by without all that nasty "hard work"? Is there a "patch" like smokers use to cut the craving for those addicted to filler words?

There is, and it's very simple. Have an introductory bit you can say without thinking too much. In Table Topics, experienced Toastmasters address the group, "Madam Table Topics Master, Fellow Toastmasters and Honored Guests." It's their introductory bit. If we're really excited about a topic and know what we want to say, we often omit it.

If you are having a hard time coming up with something, you can add to your introductory bit. This is why John Tinsley often adds, "Fellow Americans" and anything else he can think up if a Table Topics question is particularly difficult. He also tends to make the Topicmaster repeat the question.

Your introductory bit can guard you against the "early ahs": the filler words that escape before you've decided what to say. You need more to overcome filler words sneaking into the middle of your sentences.

Get comfortable with silence and think before you have to speak. Determine not just what you're going to speak about, but how you're going to say it before you open your mouth. Map out an outline in your head, or even a script if you have time.

Pay attention the next time you're having a conversation with one of your friends. How often do you use filler words? How often does she? Do you use less when making a business phone call? I know I do.

When I'm making a business phone call, I generally frame the conversation in my mind before picking up the phone, so I make myself clear and get what I want quickly, without being distracted by sales messages. I want the person on the other end of the line to understand immediately what I want.

I was quite startled the other day when I used "um" at work. I had mentally composed a message for the answering machine, but a live attendant picked up the phone. I briefly forgot what I was going to say and ended up using a filler word. It happens to everyone occasionally, the trick is not to let it happen too often.

In person, the best thing to do is to remain silent until you're ready to resume speaking. You have to be comfortable with everyone else being silent and looking at you. Milk their attention and expectation a little. Don't be afraid to be the center of attention.

I quit sucking my thumb, and I stopped filler words from taking over my speeches. We are all here at Toastmasters to improve our speaking skills. Part of that improvement is cutting filler words out of our speeches. You can do it with a little determination, a little forethought, and a little introductory phrase.

last updated April 2, 2000